Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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