were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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