That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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