Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
