I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
