if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
