I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
