Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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