I need help removing her.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize