so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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