my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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