my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
