She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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