I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
