"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
do nipples grow back?
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