There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
