More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
