Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
