Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
