We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
