can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
