I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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