I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
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He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize