I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
