the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
