Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
