Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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