A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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