Please, let me fuck your mom
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
