haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
