tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
