I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
