We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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