i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
