"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
