nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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