Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
