You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
