What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
