Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
