Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
