Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
