would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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