Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
