what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
