She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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