last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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