remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
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You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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