Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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