what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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