Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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