just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
