Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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