We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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