Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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