i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
