You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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