need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
