Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
