my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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