I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
