he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
