don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
