Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
