There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
