what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
