so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
