i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
