so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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