She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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