Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
