you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
