btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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