apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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