And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
