my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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