Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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