when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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