A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
