Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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