the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just high enough for therapy.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
