Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
