We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she told me i tasted like america
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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