my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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