I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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